Admittedly I have a sense of humor which is an acquired taste. I have found that some folks can only take me in tinny doses because I lack tact, curse like a sailor and many times I am as surprised by the things that comes out of my mouth as the rest of you. Some people may view this as being eccentric; I view this as being normal. Honestly, how many people do you know who run a semi entertaining and successful fan page for their cat on Facebook? Well you know at least one because I do and it is awesome! However, last week something happened which may just take Killer Pussy’s fame and fortune to a whole new level, something that might make me seem even more eccentric than usual. I was asked to write a book about Killer Pussy (not to be confused by the porn film with the same title).
Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I am well on my way to having a small petting zoo. Our house is filled with fury critters and it is totally normal to have five cats, two bunnies, fish and a tortoise. For heaven sakes we are gay and can’t have children so we have pets. Lots of pets and they are all treated like royalty. Hubby have warned me on more than one occasion that if I bring home one more animal then I either need to buy a farm or else. And it is that “or else” that has prevented me from buying a gay donkey and calling him our make believe unicorn. However, this blog post is not about a gay donkey but if you have one you should totally email me and not tell my husband.
Getting back to my cat’s page. Running a fan page for your cat can be fucking exhausting. Especially seeing as the two cats Killer Pussy is based on are witty, sarcastic, intelligent, mischievous, facetious, complicated and to top it all off they are also prolific killers. Also taking into account that Killer Pussy’s page needs to be updated several times a day and the fact that it does sometimes involves a complicated thought process; I would not say it is something that just anybody would want to do or would stick to doing. I am aware that people know it is me writing it, I am not that delusional! But regardless of this all the feedback I have received from Killer Pussy’s fan page have been overwhelmingly positive. Perhaps these people are as “eccentric” as I am. They are cat people after all! But if it entertains people and give them a humorous break from an otherwise dull day, I would say I have achieved my goal and unbeknownst to be somebody noticed.
So there I was last week minding my own business when I received an email with the subject line reading “Killer Pussy, a fan”. My first thought was “What. The. Fuck. My email address is nowhere on Killer Pussy’s fan page. Could Killer Pussy have a stalker?” Then I read the email. It was from a South African based publishing company. The guy said that he is a huge fan of my cat’s Facebook Fan Page and wanted to know if I would be interested in writing a book from her perspective. My first reaction was to say no. I mean really, like I have the time to write a book for my cat. I always imagined that I would one day publish a novel but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my first novel would be written as my cat. I thought it was bizarre and that this guy was trying to take the piss out of me. So I ignored the email.
A couple of days passed before I mentioned it to my husband, and then to a couple of friends and colleagues who were also fans of Killer Pussy’s Page. They all agreed that maybe it was not such a bad idea after all. None of them have ever heard about a book that was written from a house cat’s perspective. So I chewed on the idea and then decided to start writing it to test the water and to find out how it would feel to take this on as a project. I wrote one paragraph. The first paragraph which is the most important paragraph of any book as it sets the tone for the rest of the book. It took me five minutes to write and I sent it to my husband. I anxiously waited for a response from him and when I finally got it I was taken aback. He said that it was crewed bordering on vulgar. He then immediately tried to minimize his reaction by saying “But I’m not your target audience. You and Killer Pussy have many people who follow you and I am sure they would love it.” That left me somewhat conflicted.
I know my sense of humor can sometimes be dark, even offensive to some. My world perspective is also not always all sunshine and rainbows but I know funny shit when I see or read it. After all, Killer Pussy did not end up at our doorstep dropped off by a stork; the bitch has a back story. So what if her mother was a whore who only allowed her litter to suck on her teats in order to stay alive. So what if having her asshole licked by her uncaring mother was a rare privilege while she was a kitten. So what if she was conceived during a cat orgy. Killer Pussy is a multi dimensional character and I was taking this shit seriously. So I did what I normally do, I sent the first paragraph to my trusted critics who call a spade a spade and who would call my shit out if they had to. If I were heading down the wrong track they would be honest enough to tell me so.
They all loved it. Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of now having to seriously start writing this book, having to rekindle my relationship with my book agent in the United States who in return would have to whore my book around to publishers, I decided to take my first weekend off. I was freaking out slightly and instead of finishing the first two chapters of my book I spent the weekend watching Season 1 & 2 of The Walking Dead. It’s a perfectly normal thing for me to do when I am panicking: surrounding myself with Zombies (or like they call them “Walkers”) and a lot of blood and gore while eating junk food and staying in my PJ’s for 48 hours straight makes me feel safe and secure. Don't judge me! I am starting with the book this weekend. If all goes well you will have a borderline vulgar yet humorous novel written by Killer Pussy to read by the end of this year. So watch this space bitches.
Till next time.