Admittedly I have a sense of humor which is an acquired taste. I have found that some folks can only take me
in tinny doses because I lack tact, curse like a sailor and many times I am
as surprised by the things that comes out of my mouth as the rest of you. Some people may view this as being eccentric;
I view this as being normal. Honestly,
how many people do you know who run a semi entertaining and successful fan
page for their cat on Facebook? Well you
know at least one because I do and it is awesome! However, last week something happened which
may just take Killer Pussy’s fame and fortune to a whole new level, something
that might make me seem even more eccentric than usual. I was asked to write a book about Killer
Pussy (not to be confused by the porn film with the same title).
Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I am well
on my way to having a small petting zoo.
Our house is filled with fury critters and it is totally normal to have
five cats, two bunnies, fish and a tortoise.
For heaven sakes we are gay and can’t have children so we have
pets. Lots of pets and they are all
treated like royalty. Hubby have warned
me on more than one occasion that if I bring home one more animal then I either
need to buy a farm or else. And it is
that “or else” that has prevented me
from buying a gay donkey and calling him our make believe unicorn. However, this blog post is not about a gay
donkey but if you have one you should totally email me and not tell my husband.
Getting back to my cat’s page. Running a fan page for your
cat can be fucking exhausting. Especially
seeing as the two cats Killer Pussy is based on are witty, sarcastic,
intelligent, mischievous, facetious, complicated and to top it all off they are
also prolific killers. Also taking
into account that Killer Pussy’s page needs to be updated several times a day
and the fact that it does sometimes involves a complicated thought process; I
would not say it is something that just anybody would want to do or would stick
to doing. I am aware that people know it
is me writing it, I am not that delusional! But regardless of this all the feedback I have
received from Killer Pussy’s fan page have been overwhelmingly positive. Perhaps these people are as “eccentric” as I am. They are cat people after all! But if it entertains people and give them a
humorous break from an otherwise dull day, I would say I have achieved my goal
and unbeknownst to be somebody noticed.
So there I was last week minding my own business when I
received an email with the subject line reading “Killer Pussy, a fan”. My first thought was “What. The. Fuck. My email address is nowhere on Killer Pussy’s
fan page. Could Killer Pussy
have a stalker?” Then I read the
email. It was from a South African based
publishing company. The guy said that he
is a huge fan of my cat’s Facebook Fan Page and wanted to know if I would be interested
in writing a book from her perspective. My
first reaction was to say no. I mean
really, like I have the time to write a book for my cat. I always imagined that I would one day
publish a novel but never in my wildest dreams did I imagine my first novel
would be written as my cat. I thought it
was bizarre and that this guy was trying to take the piss out of me. So I ignored the email.
A couple of days passed before I mentioned it to my husband,
and then to a couple of friends and colleagues who were also fans of Killer Pussy’s Page. They all agreed that maybe
it was not such a bad idea after all.
None of them have ever heard about a book that was written from a house cat’s
perspective. So I chewed on the idea and
then decided to start writing it to test the water and to find out how it would
feel to take this on as a project. I
wrote one paragraph. The first paragraph
which is the most important paragraph of any book as it sets the tone for the rest of the book. It took me five minutes to
write and I sent it to my husband. I
anxiously waited for a response from him and when I finally got it I was taken
aback. He said that it was crewed bordering
on vulgar. He then immediately tried to
minimize his reaction by saying “But I’m
not your target audience. You and Killer
Pussy have many people who follow you and I am sure they would love it.” That left me somewhat conflicted.
I know my sense of humor can sometimes be dark, even
offensive to some. My world perspective
is also not always all sunshine and rainbows but I know funny shit when I see
or read it. After all, Killer Pussy did
not end up at our doorstep dropped off by a stork; the bitch has a back story. So what if her mother was a whore who only
allowed her litter to suck on her teats in order to stay alive. So what if having her asshole licked by her uncaring
mother was a rare privilege while she was a kitten. So what if she was conceived during a cat
orgy. Killer Pussy is a multi dimensional
character and I was taking this shit seriously.
So I did what I normally do, I sent the first paragraph to my trusted
critics who call a spade a spade and who would call my shit out if they had to. If I were heading down the wrong track they
would be honest enough to tell me so.
They all loved it.
Feeling a bit overwhelmed by the prospect of now having to seriously
start writing this book, having to rekindle my relationship with my book agent
in the United States who in return would have to whore my book around to
publishers, I decided to take my first weekend off. I was freaking out slightly and instead of
finishing the first two chapters of my book I spent the weekend watching Season
1 & 2 of The Walking Dead. It’s a
perfectly normal thing for me to do when I am panicking: surrounding myself
with Zombies (or like they call them “Walkers”)
and a lot of blood and gore while eating junk food and staying in my PJ’s for
48 hours straight makes me feel safe and secure. Don't judge me! I am starting with the book this weekend. If all goes well you will have a borderline vulgar
yet humorous novel written by Killer Pussy to read by the end of this year. So watch this space bitches.
Till next time.
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